THE HUNGER OF HAPPINESS

People talk about food like it’s just… food. A necessity. Something you do three times a day. But for me, eating is emotional.

I don’t feel like eating if I’m not happy. If I’m not okay with myself. I hate eating alone. And even when I eat with others, if I don’t feel connected, if I don’t feel present, I can’t enjoy my food. It just sits there, tasteless.

I think about this a lot. Why does my body reject food when my heart is heavy? Why does my stomach shut down when I’m lost?

I know the answer, though. It’s because I don’t just want to eat. I want to feel. I want to feel good in my body, to feel at home in myself. I want to sit in a dimly lit room and feel peace, not emptiness. I want to eat when I’m alive, not just when I need to.

So that’s my goal now. Not just to eat better, but to live better. To do things that make me want to nourish myself. To enjoy the way my body moves, stretches, breathes. To feel worthy of the meals I give myself.

Because food isn’t just fuel. It’s love. And I need to start giving that love to myself.