I AM TRYING, OKAY?

i know everyone is doing something and becoming someone and making something
and i’m here—just trying
not winning, not losing, just trying
and that has to count for something

i did law because i thought i should
because people said i was smart and strong
because i wanted to fight
but it turns out i was mostly fighting myself

now i’m doing film
for the sake of it
because it might be the one thing that makes me stay in this world just a little longer

i overthink everything.
even this sentence
but maybe that’s my superpower
i see things
i feel things
i pause and rewind and play again, like a film in my head
and maybe that’s not bad at all